Shallow Depths

This is a bit annoying, I realise, but the longer I put it off the more annoying it's going to be.

I'm currently in the process of consolidating some of my online identities. As part of this I'm rebranding this blog, including a URL change. I assume RSS users will also need to resubscribe.

I began this blog largely to avoid spamming my real life friends with a lot of game talk. It's my small and self-indulgent playground (and probably always will be), but it has also gathered a little more interest than I expected.

I've begun to work harder at my writing, and become more aware of game-journalists worth admiring. Suddenly it seems like I should have put a bit more thought into this blogging and where it fits into my life and other projects.

I am definitely a personal blogger at heart. My core audience are myself and my friends. Maybe I can also build new friendships -- that's always nice. So, it's time to ditch the silly name and embrace... what may still be a silly name, but I like it so I don't care. More importantly, I feel it.

New URL: http://shallow-depths.blogspot.com

Shallow Depths is something I've been trying to work out how to be for the last year or two. An artist, blending meaning and triviality; safety and fear. I think it's time to stop working it out and just be that anyway.

So, why is this blog called called "Personal Gamer," anyway?

It's a slightly silly name, but not a meaningless one. Silly names seem to go along with video game blogging. Normally I am very careful about naming things. In this case I threw out a blog name quite flippantly. And although it felt intuitively appropriate I couldn't fully articulate why initially. Today I am at least going to try.


Personal and Private?

I have kept a journal blog for many years, in which I unreservedly discuss my daily life and thoughts. I am very used to sharing personal details many people probably wouldn't even share with their friends. I don't go quite as far here, but I'm committed to openness in my online writing. It lets me discuss things like gaming with social anxiety, for example. I'm rarely capable of verbalising my ideas well, for various reasons. I appreciate having an outlet for my thoughts, regardless of whether anyone is reading them.

Many of the things I write about are quite personal to me, which may not be obvious from the outside. Writing is always quite intimate and revealing, I think. Discussing sex or mental health isn't actually any harder for me than writing about more mundane things. I was quite surprised when I wrote that anxiety article for Screen Play, and Jason Hill asked if I was comfortable having my real name on it. I didn't consider it particularly brave just to be who I am.

As an aside, Cha is actually my real name in my opinion. That other name is really more of a legal designation. And yes, I also use a pen name, in case that is confusing anyone.


Personal Opinion

I think subjectivity and individual experiences are what make life interesting. I have no desire to persuade anyone, just to discuss and see what comes out of my exploration. I also love hearing other opinions, provided they are not being presented in a confrontational, aggressive way. Discussion is much more interesting to me than argument.

I have a habit of using little qualifying phrases, such as the "I think" and "to me" in the above paragraph. It's not because I lack conviction (as some people have assumed).  An editor would probably discard them as unnecessary, but I feel arrogant without them.


Personal Ad

Okay, so I'm not actually looking for romance. But there is a slight hint of sex and relationships in the term "personal". Those are some of the things I really latch onto in games. Often they are done quite poorly, but there is a lot of potential there. When relationships (of all kinds) are done well it really stands out for me.  And when characters are diverse and believable I can connect to them and their relationships more easily.


Personal Reflection

I'm interested in the process of writing about games as well as the games themselves. Therefore I do tend to reflect on my own inspiration and development. After reviewing something I am often tempted to discuss the reviewing experience itself, or add a little more background. Meta perhaps, but personally interesting.



So, to conclude... Personal Gamer is about a whole lot of rambling.

June has been a month of set-up and new beginnings for me.  Here on Personal Gamer I began by deciding to overhaul the comment system, and ended up redecorating the whole place.  I'm still tweaking minor things no one but me will probably ever notice.  I'm glad this tendency of mine only applies to my virtual homes or I'd run through a lot of furniture and trimmings.

Meanwhile, my own game review column is starting up on Game People.  As Microcosm Gamer I'll be looking at how games recreate elements of the real world, and how they inform my life.  A bit wanky arguably, but I happen to enjoy that sort of thing.  I know if I tried to write for a more standard review site I would get bored very quickly.

My first microcosm review is on Nier, and builds somewhat on my initial impressions here.

Having experienced Nier, Heavy Rain and the original Silent Hill recently I've been looking at a lot of game plots about fatherhood.  More specifically, about a father trying to save their child.  And on a basic level they were all the same -- a self-sacrificial struggle at any cost.  I think it's worth noting the unhealthy aspects of this take on what it means to be a parent.

There is more than that going on in Nier though, so it's been interesting to write about.  There is a lot about the game which would normally put me off, but somehow I forgive it.